Recently, many of us are locked down working from home, in an effort to reduce the rate of infection by the Coronavirus. In a way, we are all expatriates now. What exactly are expatriates? Expatriates are people who live outside their native country.
Wait a minute; I didn’t go live in another country. So, why exactly are we expatriates here?
We are expatriates, in the sense that we are all working in a different environment and circumstance than our original one. And because we have to do things differently, learn new things, think outside of the box, adjust to a different culture and requirements, among other things, we are very much like any expatriate.
One thing that frequently happens with expatriates is a reality check. In this, expatriates are usually forced by circumstances to reassess their values and beliefs. When we are exposed to different things, different cultures, different ways of thinking, this is what it usually happens.
Going through this is not very easy. It requires a lot of courage, determination, and maturity. You see, when we change circumstances, places, and environments, values that were easily expressed before may become more difficult to be represented in the new “reality.” And, in many instances, the reason is because we don’t think, “it’s the right way to do it.” When this happens, we are usually trying to do things like we use to do before, but that might not be aligned to what’s needed (and how is needed) in the new scenario. Shall we go through an example to try to elucidate this statement?
Transparency is one core value preached by many companies and many organizations in our world today. Being transparent is expressed differently, depending on each culture. Some cultures that are more patriarchal and vertical by nature tend to have very tight rules around how to represent this value. In contrast, more democratic cultures tend to put it more in the spotlight and allow more freedom of form.
For the sake of this post, let’s define what transparency means. Here, it will mean the act of disclosing thoughts, opinions, and/or emotions, at the time of their occurrences, in a tactful way. In business, governance, and compliance contexts, it usually means being honest, straightforward, and open.
Many expatriates have a tough time adjusting to new cultures in the transparency question, depending on how different this value is seen in their original culture. Not infrequently, many professionals adjusting to new setups tend to keep quiet, not come forward when they see a problem, or simply not share their thoughts.
In our current reality, because we are not interacting in person – we are mostly doing things virtually when possible – it’s so much easier not to come forward or say what we think. We hide behind our computers, and if our videos are turned off, nobody sees us rolling our eyes to a comment or idea.
Not long ago, I was hosting a meeting through Zoom, and because I coached several of the individuals in the session, I knew what their opinion about the topic in discussion was. They all kept quiet and didn’t share their opinion. When later, in a 1-1 setting, I asked them individually why they didn’t come forward, they all said similar things. “I didn’t want to create conflict” or “this is not the ideal way to share such controversial opinion, this must be done in person.”
Everybody is suffering now from expatriation effects, and not even realizing it. When our situation and environment change, our values and attitudes should not change as well. The way we express them may have to change, but not the values per se. Yes, it may be harder to be transparent through virtual meetings. We are always fearful that we might be misinterpreted.
But here is the deal: we are responsible for our success. And if our company fails, or the project fails, or implementation fails, or whatever fails, because we didn’t dare to express our thoughts in this new type of environment, this will have an impact down the road.
It’s easy to think that only actions have an impact. However, omissions also create chain effects. The “butterfly effect” happens both for actions and inactions. Every time we do something or do nothing, we will create an outcome.
The reason why I am bringing this topic up in this post is because I know expatriates usually tend to see their values shaken, and tend to express themselves differently during their adjustment period. And since we are now all expatriates now, this might be happening to a great deal of people.
I see many people suffering from being disconnected from their values. Their values are being shaken, they are overwhelmed and frustrated, and they are not loving the way they are expressing themselves lately. If nothing is proactively done, it tends to lead people to nervous breakdowns.
We don’t want that, do we? Things are serious enough the way it is already. So here are some suggestions I work with some of my clients, and that you might consider applying to your own situation, in your own way.
6 Steps To Avoid Overwhelm During Expatriation
1- Expatriates must have a clear picture of what their core values are:
Having an awareness of what is important to us is the first step when going through any adjustment. And the reason is simple. If we clearly know what we value, we can quickly decide how and when to express that value, and what the trade-offs and consequences might be by doing so. In other words, we are responding to situations, instead of just reacting to them.
For those folks who are more visual, this is like a tree and its roots. Our values are like the roots stuck deep down into the earth. It’s what makes us stable, and it’s what feeds us. You go about your day, and things are easy. You are rooted. If you let your roots above the earth, you’ll be loose and shaken. And this is a source of a lot of stress.
Having a clear picture of our core values sounds simple enough. But it’s not. We usually do have an idea about what is important to us. But we cannot readily name it and prioritize it. Only by doing a core value exercise is when people usually get the most transparent picture in their minds. And often, they get quite surprised about how they prioritized their values.
So don’t overlook this step just because it sounds simple. Make sure you sorted out your values from at least 50 different types and can name, in priority, your top 5. In Coaching Expatriates™ programs, we offer this optional assignment to every client because we see so much power in the awareness it creates.
2- Expatriates must identify which values they are not honoring in their new environment:
When we are not expressing our most essential values, we tend to feel very unhappy, and sometimes very stressed. And when we are stressed, we end up reacting in ways we don’t like, and we end up beating ourselves up later about it. Who doesn’t have that annoying chatter going on in their minds?
So by knowing what you miss to honor, you are helping yourself in determining your current main stressors. For example, transparency and authenticity are critical to me. Whenever I am not honoring these values, it becomes difficult for me to connect with people, as these values are deeply associated with trust, in my perspective. And not being able to trust and be trusted creates a lot of stress for me.
When you identify what is essential for you, you get more clues into some of your reactions and attitudes. And it’s easier to make decisions on the spot. Again, by raising awareness, you are more capable of responding to situations, instead of just reacting. You can better adjust and be flexible.
3- Thriving expatriates define rules for themselves that support their goals:
There are a lot of people who are adamantly against creating rules, especially when it’s for themselves. If you don’t like the word “rules,” change it to “mindset.” The objective here is to define individual attitudes that you want to have in certain conditions. And you are identifying them with a specific goal in mind.
For example, when I first moved to the US, one rule I set up for myself was that I would not judge and assume what was going on, before asking and confirming. “Is this how this is done here?” or “Why is this done this way here” were frequent questions I made when I first came. The reason for this rule was to ensure I kept myself open-minded and with a learning mindset so that I could adjust faster. This practice proved itself to be very helpful.
Whatever the rule you set up for yourself, make sure you have a clear objective of why it exists. You want to accomplish something, and the rule is just a facilitator and a trigger for the behavior you are seeking.
4– Successful global leaders have a support system:
This shows up in many of my posts for no other reason – it is THAT important. Having a support system means having people or resources that aid you or support you in stressful times. It’s a place where you can either find comfort, relief, advice, assistance, ideas, cheerleading, and overall help. During my time coaching and meeting new expatriates, I’ve never seen a single successful expatriate that didn’t have a support system. All successful expatriates do.
Many cultures have a real hard time with this topic because seeking support is valued as being weak. In reality, there is nothing weak about gathering a great support system. On the contrary, it takes a lot of courage, engagement, and energy, and ultimately aids in success. Don’t take my word for it – create your support system and see it for yourself.
5– Expatriates must have a plan:
A tactician once told me that most people couldn’t make plans, and that was the reason why they’d prefer to “be told what to do.” I don’t think that’s true. People want to KNOW what to do, not BE TOLD what to do. And the reason is simple. Not knowing what to do, and what is going to happen, creates a lot of stress for most people. The fact that someone is telling people what to do just makes everyone’s lives easier or less stressful, but it does not mean that this is what they prefer. This creates the false impression that people like to be told what to do. People, in fact, want to have a plan even if it’s not their own. It does have nothing to do with their capacity to make plans.
There is this famous adage often attributed to Benjamin Franklin, “Failing to plan is planning to fail.” Having a plan means knowing what to do, how to do it, when to do it, and why. It, therefore, raises the confidence and the level of comfort, because it’s less stressful to know what to expect and what to do next.
There are different methodologies out there on how to build a good plan. There is the SMART goals, AIM SMART, ABC Goals, and Coaching Expatriate’s Masterplan methodology, to name a few.
Choose one that you can rely on, and create your plan for your adjustment phase. Make sure your goals are aligned with your values and that your project is realistic and consistent with your own personal skills. Don’t plan to go to the moon if you don’t have any means of finding yourself a spacecraft just yet. But don’t give up on the moon either. It only has to be part of a structured plan, in this case, with stepping stones.
6– Smart global leaders get professional help:
Depending on how overwhelmed and frustrated we are, it is difficult to think straight. We get disconnected from our values, and we start behaving in ways we don’t recognize and like, and feel the stress sinking faster.
Getting professional help means different things to different people, depending on their needs and goals. What’s important to note here is that there is no demerit in seeking professional aid.
You could hire an executive coach to help you and your company move faster through a transition or adjustment period. Or you could hire a therapist if you are feeling too overwhelmed and anxious to the point that it freezes you. Your company may decide to hire a consultant to help with a specific topic or implementation.
Whatever path you and your company choose, it is essential to move that energy into action. Planning and deciding is excellent. But implementing and executing the plan is crucial. So make sure you apply what you learned from your professional help.
Final remarks
Expatriation means leaving the nation of one’s birth for permanent or prolonged residence in another country. It also applies when you are leaving your original environment to experience a completely different one. Everyone, at some point in their lives, will be expatriated.
This is one of these times. All of us are now experiencing a completely different environment and circumstance. Not only all of us are currently locked down working from our homes, but we are also facing a completely different set of rules, cultural needs, and adjustments. All of us clearly became expatriates, in this sense. In the most extreme circumstance, we became expatriated from our previous lives.
It’s only natural that we are overwhelmed, and in realizing this, we all try to find ways to cope with this new situation, in a way that will not hinder our lives, or at least, in a way that will help us move forward.
In these stressful times, my hope for you is that this post has reached you, and has given you at least one small inspiration or idea of how to move forward. One of my personal rules is the mindset of knowing that everything happens for a purpose. I believe we must all face this with our heads up, seek support from each other, and have faith that there is a significant learning purpose in all of this.
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