If you have an international corporate career or wants to have a regional or global role in a multinational company, you know how global leadership skills are important. One key skill is cultural competence.
Did you know that studies now show that one of the fastest ways to increase cultural competence is by living abroad for at least one year?
If you want to learn what other ways you could also explore to raise cultural competence besides living abroad, you can watch this video here.
The expat life style or living abroad may sound exciting to many, and you might have the same feeling too. But before you jump right into a life-changing initiative like this, I want to share with you the perspective that I learned by talking to numerous expatriates around the world. What they miss the most after becoming expatriates boils down to 3Fs, which is what I’ll share with you today!
So let’s start with some context first regarding expat life. When you first go to live in another country, it feels more like going on an adventure. Most expatriates, like me, are more focused on the thrill than on the real, long-lasting life consequences.
At first, everything is a novelty and seems exciting.
And even if you experience some hurdles, like… your international moving cargo taking a few more months to arrive than expected, your resilience level is still pretty high, and you’ll quickly adapt.
After some months into the expatriation experience, though, you have already encountered many of the usual obstacles and difficulties that expats face. Like opening your first bank account, getting your first credit card, buying your first car, mapping out all chores and respective providers, and so on.
Oh! And there is the whole name confusion for some expatriates! If you come from Spain or Latin countries, you might find it difficult to fit longer names and last names into the spartan government fields in Anglo-Saxon countries. And the genuine surprise when they ask, “do you have 3 last names?” is baffling.
The opposite might also happen. Chinese people with very short names and last names might have form errors when filling them in Spain and other European locations. Apparently, “Lee” is not a full last name in those locations. These and similar frustrations can be very challenging for expatriates.
During all these first expat life challenges, expatriates often don’t realize they miss the 3Fs. They start to become aware of what they are missing ONLY between the 9th and 12th months of the expatriation experience.
That’s right, that happens because this initial part of the transition is usually so intense that you don’t really think much about anything else. All you want is first solve all these problems. During this period, it is also when you are working on local paperwork: like work permits, driving licenses, social security (or a local equivalent), finding the first job for a spouse or school for kids, and so on.
So yeah, it’s NATURAL that you don’t have time to think about anything else.
Therefore, between 9 to 12 months into the expat life is when you first start to REALLY MISS stuff. You start to miss the 3 Fs in an expatriation experience. Let’s see what they are:
F #1 - Family
Most expatriates leave family members behind. Either siblings, or parents, or maybe inlaws. Sometimes, even spouses and kids, depending on how long the assignment might take! When you are saying your “good buys” at home, you might not imagine how much you will feel the loss of their presence in your life. We take things for granted, to be very honest.
Once we ARE apart — living off of zoom conversations — it’s when you know how much you really miss them. How much you miss their hugs. How much you miss them in those times when everything went wrong, and you just want someone to cheer you up with silly faces or jokes. It’s when you realize how they know EXACTLY how to put you up on your feet again.
As an expatriate, you might get into the local community and make new friends. But nothing is like THAT hug from your special family member. Your NEW friends will cheer you when needed, but it will take them several years to really learn what to do to perfectly nail it. So it’s natural to feel a bit lonely during this initial period.
F #2 - Food
Food is a big one. Some people miss it sooner, and others miss it later. But after your first year abroad, you would do anything for a taste of your favorite national food.
You start looking for other people from your nation who locally sell goods and products from your country so that you can cook your favorite national dish or eat that favorite snack.
In my original country, it is customary to eat bread with a special cheese spread for breakfast. To get this unique cheese spread where I am living now, I have to drive far away to a specialized market, and it costs at least 5 to 10 times the price I would pay for it in my own country (already considering the exchange rate). Needless to say, I indulge only a few times a year with this particular spread.
Some things you miss are simply IMPOSSIBLE to acquire. For example, there might be certain fruits and vegetables that you consumed in your country that might not survive a long transit for import.
Also, similar local foods might taste completely different. It might sound crazy, but the avocado here tastes different from the one in my country.
Adapting to local food depends mostly on personality and intent. But it can drive a lot of expatriates crazy. Either because they go through great lengths to acquire their favorite foods, or because they end up spending large amounts of money on them. Or because they decide to simply deprive themselves altogether to avoid trouble.
Either way, food is a big thing that expatriates miss.
F #3 - Friends
Although people might think this is a debatable subject, friends are another one of the big 3 F’s expatriates miss.
Yes, indeed, we can make new friends in the new location. And we end up making new friends. No one can live without friends, quite frankly.
But the truth is: you have friends you LOVE and enjoy spending time with, and they will be left behind. Because you move far away, it does not mean they are dead to you now. So, it makes sense that you will miss them, even though you might have new friends.
I have a friend who I would only see once per year back in my country, and we would go to a special bakery shop. There, we would have a piece of cake with special coffee or another type of milked beverage. We would chat the entire afternoon while eating pastries and treats. Then we would meet the following year again.
I miss those encounters.
You see, we think we can always go back to visit our home country and check in with our beloved friends, but no one accounts for extreme situations that happen in our lives.
This time around was Covid-19. But many expatriates reported to me that there were many extreme situations in the last 30 years (that might NOT have been worldwide like this) that have prevented them from visiting their home country.
Being an expatriate means you are leaving people and things behind without really knowing when you’ll have the opportunity to meet them again. Thinking you’ll see them again is an assumption.
And even when you meet them again, you will notice that they have moved on with their lives and your relationship has become a little different now. Not participating and being present in people’s lives change things and relationships. And you have to be aware of that as an expatriate or if you want to live an expat life.
Final Thoughts On Expat Life & Challenges
So this is the moral of the story for you, whether you are an expatriate or not, and whether you live elsewhere or not: enjoy the people around you, cherish the food you like when savoring it, and appreciate your friends present around you, EVERY-SINGLE-DAY. Don’t take them for granted. Live in the present moment, and enjoy the little things life brings you.
If you are an expatriate or soon-to-be, you don’t have to make this transition alone. Hire me as your executive and transition coach. Have a free strategy call with me. We will go over your situation and define the best course of action together.
If you are interested in developing global leadership skills to take on an expatriation corporate challenge or assignment during your career, check out our online Global Executive Leadership Program. We go over all 4 success pillars of Global Leadership during 9 online modules, including 1 dedicated module on Cultural Leadership.
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