As I am part of various discussion groups, support groups, and mastermind groups, I had the privilege and opportunity to hear from many different people regarding their experiences with the Coronavirus situation. I also had many clients share with me what’s been like for them in the past few weeks.
One common thread that I noticed is on fears that paralyze us. Of course, people do not readily state they are fearful; many times, I had to dig in and make a few more in-depth questions for people to confront the fact that they are in fear or even realize they are fearful about something.
I’ve heard about all sorts of fears that paralyze us. I’ve heard about people having concerns around losing their jobs. Fear of death. Some fear a loved one may die. Some people discussed their grave concerns about losing faith in God or how this has been affecting their faith. I also had someone telling me how fearful they were for their pets, should something happened to them. “Who would take care of my dogs?” There was also this intricate discussion with someone about the fear of the economy going down the drains. He feared it could be even worse than in 1929.
Fears that paralyze us definitely permeated all society by now. Whether we admit it or not, we all fear something or many things. And what’s worse? For most of these fears that paralyze us, there is very little we have control over.
Last week I was talking to a financial trader, and he was telling me that he does not turn on the TV for news anymore. He believes the media is partially contributing to the increased fear in the society. If it’s true or not, it’s up to you to decide. In times like this, though, it’s true that the media has great powers indeed, and “with great powers comes great responsibilities.” What you do with the information, and how you communicate this information is also essential.
But this is not a discussion about powers or influences. I want to bring to everyone’s attention how fear has been treating our society. And how potentially detrimental this could be, on top of everything that is already going on.
Recently, I woke up in a sweat. I had a nightmare. Last week, I heard noises downstairs, and there he was: my lovely husband. He was up because he had a nightmare. Last night, around 4 am, I heard this howl that made my house tremble. It was my dog. He had a nightmare, for sure. My dog never howls. I think he did this four times in 11 years, tops.
In my conversations, either with clients or groups, they all report mostly the same. “I’ve been having nightmares.” “Everything annoys me.” “I am snapping at my children all the time.” “People became so selfish.”
These are all signs that the stress is reaching its limit. You see, our bodies were not made for continuous pressure. Having our bodies flooded with adrenaline and cortisol for extended periods has an impact not only on our behavior but also on our cognitive capacity and on our ability to connect and show empathy. So it’s natural to feel annoyed all the time, to snap and to become selfish. It’s natural to have nightmares. It’s something that happens to every human being in this type of circumstance. And our pets are not that far behind. They also pick up our anxiety and stress levels, and they too become stressed. They don’t know what’s going on. They just realize something is different. And in the animal world, different is not good.
My main objective in this post is to normalize everyone’s perception and feelings about the fear and its reactions. In other words, I want you to know that this is normal, given the circumstances. You are not a lesser person, or crazy, or weak or any other bad definition your inner critic is whispering in your ears. It’s normal to be fearful of many things in our situation. It’s normal to have reactions. We all have reactions when under stress.
What we all have to consider now is this: we know we are under stress, we know we’ve been dealing with this for a few weeks now, and we know this might extend a few more weeks, and this could harm our health, our productivity and even our sanity.
So what should we do about it before we reach the point that fear starts paralyzing us?
I think it’s safe to say that any of us will realistically NOT be able to eradicate our fears right now, given our current situation. Nobody knows what’s going to happen, and where this is really going. But we do have control over a few things that we can work on.
7 things we have control over to tame our fears:
1-We have control over how we manage our stress levels: if you didn’t get the chance, read our dedicated post on stress and watch our instructional video.
2-We have control over what we think: if you have the tendency of catastrophizing, then stop the loop as soon as you realize you are doing that. The messages that we give ourselves are vital to modulate our stress reaction. In other words, if you say “yeah, I will end up in the curb in no time now that I am jobless,” and you start feeling the panic in your bones, you’ll become sweaty, your heartbeat will increase, your pressure will go up in the roof, and you’ll stop thinking straight. If you say “calm down, let’s think this objectively and try to find a way through,” you will probably try to stabilize your breathing pattern, and you might not be emotionally hijacked. Scientists discovered that the way we think influences our physiology and our physiology influences the way we think. Be mindful of that. You don’t have to lie to yourself. But try not blowing things out of proportion too. Just remember that you have control over what you think and what you tell yourself. Use it to your advantage.
3-We have control over what type of information we consume: if you think a particular media, channel, or person is too toxic, too sensationalist, too nerve-wracking, stay away. Stay away from things that are not serving you. If you need specific information, go after it. And if you need particular resources, research to find it. Remember, you have control over what you consume. Consume that which serves you, your family, and your company/employees.
4-We have control over the help we ask: if you need any type of assistance or support, ask for it. I am amazed by how many people out there are raising their hands and helping other people. I’ve seen people leading support groups, I’ve seen people take their rusty sewing machines and sewing 500 masks for donation. I’ve seen people publishing free fitness courses on the internet to help people exercise at home. I’ve seen companies distribute some of their resources for free. Yes, there are a lot of people freaking out and behaving selfishly, but there are a lot of people and companies doing good out there—leverage that. If you need help, ask for it. You have control over what kinds of things you ask for and how they can serve you.
5-We have control over our wellness: some of my clients reported that they started drinking because of the fear and overwhelm. Or they started binge-watching stuff in Netflix and had been sleeping poorly. If these things are serving you, fine, but if they are not, reconsider what you’ve been doing. For my clients, these things were not helping them. These things were detracting their focus and attention, their productivity, and even their self-esteem. If the loss of routine wreaked havoc on your wellness habits, consider finding assistance to put you back on track. Find ways to keep your body and your mind sharp. Walk the dog more often. Play with your kids. Do those online free fitness courses I talked about. Eat healthy. Wellness is key to reducing stress.
6-We have control over our entertainment: very similar to the item above about information, what you consume as entertainment is as important. Remember when we were kids, and we would sneak to watch horror movies in the middle of the night? Those same shows were not as terrifying when we watched them during the day. Why is that? It’s because context amplifies sensations. When everything is dark and quiet, every scream seems scarier. In this same vein, don’t consume things that will expand and replicate your fears and anxiety. Don’t do that to yourself. You have control over what you consume as entertainment. Take advantage of this time, and watch something fun, watch documentaries, learn stuff. Do something that potentially will reduce your stress levels.
7-We have control over what we tell people: managing expectations is not something you have to do for work only. The better you manage the expectations of people around you, the more efficient and fluid your life is. And the reason is simple – people feel better when they know what’s coming up, even if what’s happening is not that good. Having control over what you tell people around you means having control over how you are interacting with them. If someone catches you in a bad moment, let them know it in a tactful way. If you came to talk to someone, and they are not giving you the attention you seek, let them know how important it is for you to have their focus right now. Don’t merely vomit your feelings. Let them know what’s behind the feelings. It’s not going to hurt you to say, “I am feeling quite lonely right now, can you stay on the phone with me for a few minutes; we can talk about anything.”
Final remarks
Yes, we are all stressed out. We all have our fears. When faced with a lot of stress – transitions, or changes, or in our case, pandemics – it becomes more challenging to deal with things. As fears go up, trust goes down. As trust goes down, new tensions emerge. Fears, beliefs, sense of trust, all these affect our filters and perceptions. In other words, they change the way we see the world. And because they affect our behavior, it affects our relationships, our results, our wellness, our productivity, and everything around us. In our practice, we provide the E.L.I. (Energy Leadership index) Assessment, so that people can gain awareness of how they react when they are under stress and in normal conditions. That’s important because by knowing how is your pattern of reaction beforehand, you can tweak and leverage ideas to mitigate your stress reaction. This increases your sense of confidence and control.
There are two ways to turn the tables in our lives, in moments like this: either we reduce our source of stress and/or relief our anxiety, or we purposefully focus on what we have control over and raise our levels of productive energy. When we increase our personal power, even under stress, things become more manageable, because we see things differently.
I don’t know in what situation this post will find you. I can only imagine that, like my dog and me, you also have your fears. I hope you enjoyed this post and some of the ideas I shared here, and that this was able to help you, even if it was a little. Hang in there. It’s not been fun, but I am sure we will all get out of this more powerful than before and much more purpose-driven.
My hope today is that each and every one of us – including our lovely pets – have sweet, pleasant, and peaceful dreams in the days to come.
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